How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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