Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
