Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
