I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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