The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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