Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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