I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
