I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
