Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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