I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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