If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
