maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
