I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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