how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
