plz talk dirty to me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
