1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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