wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
