We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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