You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just pee around me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
