I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
