I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
