Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
