my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I showed him my bush... on skype.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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