Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
