She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
