Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
