I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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