There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
