My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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