Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
