I wish I could teleport
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
3pm strippers are depressing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
