He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
two words...techno handjob
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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