What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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