He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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