I cockslap morals
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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