Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I touched a dick in church today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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