I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
