just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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