areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
no, he came in my armpit
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ttyl tear gas
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
