Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
