I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
