Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
