dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
