I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and she was petting her beer can
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
