rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
