Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Randomize
