I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
