I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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