so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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