in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
