I need to stop coming to work sober
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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